0 A BLOGG

I know, the 1 rule of getting a lot of readers on you're blog is to be happy, enthusiastic and positive.
I don't have that many happy days, and cheerfulness over  a new lip gloss or the new fall line as the pink bloggers.
I dont post 3 notes a day, and when I write I want it to mean something, feel my emotions with me.
Me, my life has been pretty dark this last few years, but to have this blog has been a savior, because i can let it all out, raw, damaged, painful and sometime a good day...
My mission in starting this blog was that I wanted to reach

0 Multidisciplinary meeting

I have for a long time felt like a burden to the health care industry of Norway.
This week my doctors, psychologist and physical therapist had a multidisciplinary meeting.
Of course the doctors at gastrolab didn't even show, they had nothing to say, nothing new there.
I had hopped that they would have come up with a few brilliant ideas...
For me that State University Hospital at all agreed to this meeting was a surprise. It's something we've been trying to get for several years. but perhaps we should be glad that it happened at all.
My physical therapist said that the doctors sat and gaped

0 Existimo ergo cuncta tueri debeo suus

"I think, therefore I am ". Does this mean that we are superior?
Do we really know what other animals are thinking? just because we can't communicate with them doesn't mean that they don't think.
Descartes may have come up with the phrase that have stuck

0 The lifecycle of a phone...

My dear old HTC phone, has lifespan has come to an end the last few months.
Phones has the life expectancy span of a butterfly. Can it really last more than a year? Its not about growing old together, being there through bad times and the good  times anymore. I remember my first phone (Alcatel One Touch), we were like best friends, and I loved it, and hating that I had to remember the phone number to those I texted, But I was just happy that I had one.
The life span of my new, old HTC desire has been accelerated into a bratty toddler who doesn't want to do anything, just freezes and stay there. doesn't want to cooperate at all.
The next month it has become a teenager. Its starts to ring my ring melody for about 10 seconds

0 Please doctors, begin to smile....

Olsen, a frp politician said on his blog that while there were only approx. 1900 new FTEs with doctors, it was three times as many bureaucrats in health care system.
In addition did VG report in 2009 that in total  there were more bureaucrats than doctors employed by Norwegian hospitals.
This is what I have felt for a long time that doctors

0 Rule of Law, then my law...

Means predictability, fairness, equality and impartiality in the proceedings.
universal principles of fairness, morality, and justice that transcend human legal systems.

I was at my Lawyer today. And that was an interesting meting.
He told me that because NPE has made rulings about my medical disability by phone, that this is in volatilization with rule of law.
I don't know what they talked about, if NPE was leading the doctor or "asking" the right/wrong questions.
But in our outstanding society is that there are nothing you can get them on, because I am not entitled to compensation if they have violated my rights. At least not through NPE.  horrendous if you ask me, but who ever asks a patient?
That means they can do whatever the hell they like, and if the patient/lawyer

0 Few shouldn't fight alone, or be left alone!!

I read this article that a girl who had gotten Cancer, said that since she saw this as a national disease,and  that everyone should get operated within a day, because the wait was the hardest.
I thought not having a diagnosis is the worst , closely after post op pain, chemo, and radiation treatments??
The other thing was that this should be top priority because so many got Collen cancer a year.approximately 3600  in Norway alone, and on top of that came family and friends, the whole network is affected.
I will say that with the patient alongside the network and the Cancer Society, thats a lot of people fighting you're fight.

I dare to say that a person with an unknown or rare disease or mutation needs more backing. No one will fund research

0 Why medicate, if not propaply??

My sense of my world is going into turmoil.. My transdermal patches wont sit properly on my skin and do its job. It falls of more times than I can count, and I have tried everything to get it to fasten.
But when I but a plastic film over all it does is mask the problem so when I take it on, only the plastic sits tight on my skin.
I have also been to the State University Hospital, to get another adhesive to try and

0 Naive or hurt or poetic ?

Have you ever had one of those days? weeks? Where everything seems impossible??
In Norway we say its getting out of bed on the wrong leg.....

0 Am I worthless???

I have always said that you have to look back to see where you are headed, and that every experience, shape you into who you will become, but sometimes it gets you to a place you don't want to be...
I say that i don't dwell on the past, and only want to look ahead, but thats dam hard. My psychologist say that only should use my past to help me shape a new future, but even though I know that this is right, I go back.

Wanting to make different choices, see the good, rather ten the bad. see light instead of darkness.
But can you really see the roses if you haven't seen them at their worst? can you smell the fresh air if you haven't breathed in polluted air??
Its easy, saying no regrets, its harder to mean it!
I want my personality to be perceived as a nice, empathic, good listener, who are there for those around me.
But the last years I have felt like I am more of a burden, people are tired of me being sick, not moving forward, and snap out of it. So why do I care what people think of me, if all I am is negative baggage??

I have said many times that I am not my illness, I don't address it if no one takes it up, but still I feel that all everyone see is a lazy girl who need to get her act together, and thats the hardest, having several illnesses that no one can see, relate to. How can you be empathic if you have never felt pain??
How do I live with something no one wants to see? something I cant turn of, but desperately want gone?

Why should sick people hide their illness, when others can have their problems or successes out there in the open? If I had done everything thats "expected" of me, it will still not be enough, because as long as I am sick, I am worthless to society, and worth less than a cockroach.