6 Nissen fundoplication!

I had GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease).
 And as some of you know, my road started with the hope of living a more normal life, especially with a hope of a more normal diet and less pain.
And as Orison Swett Marden said:“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow”. This is so true for everyone in the health care system.
I asked the doctor in advance. What could I expect. What was worst case scenario etc. I have always believed that when it comes to surgery, we in society today take it to lightly. And I do know that something can go wrong.
My doctor told me that I had a 1 % chance of something going wrong, and the worst case was that i Couldn't eat for a week.
Based on that I took the chance. And today with the laparoscopic procedure it is even a smaller chance of infection, and a faster recovery time.

And of course everything went wrong. I couldn't eat for 3 months. I was through lung surgery, and I was in the hospital for over 4 months.
When I came home we started to look through the internett. My doctor had never heard of esophagus spasms with nissen fundoplication. I Googled it one time, it took me 5 min to figure out that spasms can occur with nissen fundoplication.
I quote: "Our findings suggest that patients who undergo laparoscopic Nissen fundoplication for gastroesophageal reflux disease are at risk for the development of esophageal motility disorders, including
secondary achalasia and DES (esophageal spasms)."1.I think that says it all..
I quote again: "Other complications in this group included two intra-abdominal abscesses, one pleural effusion, one gastrocutaneous fistula, and one right vagus nerve injury."2.
What is the most disturbing to me. is that my doctors at my local hospital saw a density on my right lung over a month before I was put on a respirator, but they didn't do anything about it.
Even to this day, they try to pin this on the botox, even thought I had the botox twelve days after they saw the density on my right lung. I guess they don't want to own up to giving me a Pleural empyema, and almost killing me.
I think that in a country like Norway they should only do this procedure in one place. This because Nissen fundoplication is a complex procedure, and they requires advanced laparoscopic skills.
Again I quote: "complications are directly related to the surgeon’s experience level."3.  At the hospital where I did it, they only did about ten operations a year. And that is to few!
All and all, I do understand that people out there want to get treated for GERD, and I do know that I am probably a very worst case scenario, and nobody wants to become that!



To read more about Esophageal Motility Disorders After Laparoscopic Nissen Fundoplication:
1.   Secondary Achalasia and Other Esophageal Motility Disorders After Laparoscopic Nissen Fundoplication for Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.
To read more about Mechanisms of Gastric and Esophageal Perforations:
2. Mechanisms of Gastric and Esophageal Perforations During Laparoscopic Nissen Fundoplication
To read more about the Approach Nissen Fundoplication:
3. A Stepwise Approach to Laparoscopic Nissen Fundoplication

4 My Dreams!

There is one thing that a lot of people don't get. doctors, readers, family, friends and foes, a lot of them think that i take the painkillers, relaxant, antidepressants and they think i take it because of the pain, but they are wrong. I do it for my right to live. Live my life the way I have always dreamt about. To eat this everyday is not one of them: 

To have a job, where I do so much good. (i am going at a university at the moment) Of course working as a volunteers for the red cross does help in feeling that you're life has meaning, but it would be nice to be able to do that more than 2 hours a week.

I want kids, but not let us get ahead of our selfs, first I need to see how the surgery goes on Wednesday.

Before I got the message that I had cell changes in my cervical, I asked myself the question if I should have kids?

Isn't it selfish to just think about my wishes, and not about what life my kids would have? If I already had them I could understand that we had to make the best of it, but I am not in that position. I can choose, and my worst nightmare is that I don't get better and cant do all the things I want to do with my kids. play, go cross country skiing, go skating, play football, hiking, traveling and all the other small things in everyday life.

I don't want to say that mom cant join because she doesn't feel well, and have to spend the day on the couch. That would be my living nightmare to always have a bad conscience, to always feel that I should do more, be more than I can. I don't think i could live with that. Because the dream was always to be a good mom, not the couch mom.

And the last wish, the house. But I have never wanted the big house because of my back problem. I have always known that I cant clean a big house. So my dream is a small one, with a little garden, and big enough that we can have friends over for barbecue, or our yearly Christmas party.And that the kids could have their own rooms. But again, do I need the house if I don't have kids?Or cant have them? We have talked about adoption,because I have also wanted to adopt. there are so many kids out there who needs a good home. But the couch mom, is that a good home? On the other side, adoption is very expensive, I cant just cough up 60.000 dollars. But I would love that child with every bone in my body, and then some. Would love make up for me not being able to be there?

4 my f**ing luck

Today I got a nice letter in the mail that told me I have irregular cell division in my cervix and it's so big that they have to go in and cut out the part that have the irregular cell division, and send it away to see if there are some cancer cells. So the 15 of December is the d-day for the surgery. Here i go again.
A friend of mine said today that I should postpone the surgery until after Christmas, he said you know it will go wrong, it always goes wrong with you baby.

It sucks to always be the person that everything goes wrong with, why cant I be the lucky one? I have said the last year that when I turned 30 that my luck would turn as well, but do I have the time to wait until I turn 30? Now that something is wrong with my cervix, it seems that nothing is going my way.

I did what a lot of girls do in that kind of situation: major shopping spree, got some good holiday presents, and some nice stuff for my guy, cause he is the best one in the world. I love him with every bone in my body, that idiot... but he is my idiot. and he will be that all my life as they say, ring or no ring, that's not what matters. It's only the feeling we carry around in our hearts..

0 why?

what i don't understand is why does everything comes in percentages? i had 1% that something would go wrong. couldn't it be better if they had explained the different consequences, or problems. i would have liked to know what different problems that could come from the surgery, not the % of how many who gets sick after the different surgeries. if i new i couldn't get spasms i would never have gone through with the surgery!!