5 Hospitalized

Alexandra is hospitalized and currently at the ICU (admitted 27. December). She will explain the situation herself when she is is capable of it. Hopefully it wont be too long before she will get discharged.

2 Christmas eve in Norway.....

Rib Christmas dinner

For me in Norway it is the evening before Christmas eve...
In my family we eat rib roast, the meat is grounded one more time before the meatballs are fried, as are the sausages that are extra thick, sauerkraut, red cabbage, potatoes with parsley, and cloud-berry cream for dessert..
But in more resent years my mom and sister has began to make another meal: pinnekjøtt.
On top of that my mom loves rice pudding, so she makes that to.. I could have sworn she was feeding half of Africa population...

Pinnekjøtt

Isn't that always the problem when to people create their own family, their holiday traditions crash!
so how do we solve it, where goes the compromise?
for me rib roast and Christmas tree smell gets me in a Christmas mood. I don't like rib roast all that much, I always get exited over the meatballs that my mom make, half ground beef, and half ground beef grounded on more time.. They are absolutely amazing. maybe because I only get them once a year!
The pinnekjøtt smells awful,like foot-sweats smell on steroids...
My favorite se she knows how much I love it.


We also opens the presents on Christmas eve. We open only one at a time so we use hours to get through it all. But Christmas eve is the one day a year my mom says; we don't have to rush. Its the one night a year we slow things down and just be together..

Cloudberry cream

We also go around the Christmas tree every year. And thats fun, and very nice to move you're body after that heavy Christmas dinner.
We have Christmas booklets with all the Norwegian and some foreign song, translated into Norwegian.
So we tend to take a verse of the most famous songs, and it's always fun, especially after a few glasses of wine, beer and aquavit... And if it start to become a winter wonderland  into the evening, its alomst like you are looking at a painting in motion. Its breath taking, and making me appreciate our climate, even though some will say we live a in a cold, almost harsh climate.

Rice pudding

But you got to love the good as much as the bad.... But tomorrow I want to be in the present, who knows what will happen after that...
happy holidays....

0 Merry Christmas and more.....

ho, ho ho.. I wish you all a merry little Christmas, Hope you will surround yourself with those who matter to you, and not what...
The saying : "in the end, all you have is yourself" is a load of BS.... Every where you go ,everything you do is based on someone helping you. teaching you to read, talk, flying you to your destination, cleaning you're room, giving you a job, approving you're loan application, making the food you eat and the clothes you wear.
You don't live life alone, you're life is a world turning, and you are the

4 Healtcare, bureaucracy and capitalism, what a unstable melting pot

When is pain no longer manageable?? How much pain should a person endure to get help?
Can you really be honest with you're doctor? What do they see when they see a person with chronicle pains?? hypochondriac, junkie, psychosomatic, anxiety? Do they see the person? really see them? or do they just look for the easiest diagnosis??
I have been on pain meds reduction for 2 weeks, the first day, didn't feel it, but when the bad days came it was harder than I have had in a long time. the good days became the days in the middle and the bad days became a nightmare..
So my dilemma is: If I had called my doctor to soon he would have said I had to give it a try before I can say it didn't work, but buy waiting I could establish a pattern witch for me gave me a lot if insight in pain patterns, but then the doctor can say, but you hang in there so we sill call it a success and keep going with the reduction in pain meds...

So what do you do, when all you're choices will get you the guillotine?
The almost funny part is that I don't want to use meds if I don't have to. It was the side effects of drugs (Voltaren®) in the first place who got me in this position I am in today. But as long as they don't treat my primary conditions, I will never be able to get of the meds, no matter how much the doctors tell me to toughen up and get through it....
It is time to actually take time to address these issues. No medications are only  beneficial, all have terrible side effects, but sometimes the pro outweighs the risk. So why are opioids so stigmatized?
Someone will always abuse the system. but that will never change, and they are few, and those you need it are many!
It can not continue to hit people who have massive medical problems! They need support, sot suspicion!

There is a problem when the government owns the hospitals, but try to make money on it, as long as we have free health care, there will always be a money drain for the government.
We must also begin to see humans, not get bureaucracy mixed into the healtcare system. Efficiency in the health sector will be health care downfall, because when people are working with people,you cant stir the capitalism into the pot without catastrophic consequences.
Should we execute all the sick people in Norway to earn back the money that the health care has cost the Norwegian government?

I get dark when I am in pain, but I also alow myself to ask the nasty questions, all the questions you dont want an honest answer on. because sometimes you need to try to make reasons on unreasonable actions from those who are sworn to do no harm, and those representing the people in the Parliament...

1 I want everyone to be blessed with what they need, not what they think they want...

I have all thees dreams I want to realize; being a teacher, creating and organization helping people who have esophageal diseases,support groups, volunteering for the red cross, starting boutique where I can sell smart interior.
I have come to that realization that I need to help people. I am happiest helping others, it gives me purpose, and I am selfish that way, I want a GOOD purpose for my life!
When I was a homework teacher. I swear, that volunteer job didn't pay anything, but that gave me more,

0 My perfect/imperfect life

I wanted my blog to be a positive educational blog with honesty as the core. Its not easy. I don't look at my self as jealous person, but it hasn't been easy lately.
In Norway a driver license cost about 5000 $, So after high school I prioritize education an traveling, and I don't regret that.
But a few years before all this started I really wanted it and I saved for 2 years to get it. then I became ill, and now I cant take it because of the medication.

Before it didn't bother me, but now everyone around me has it, and they live this high pace life with traveling, good careers, family, children and their own house, car etc.
I feel left behind.
People call me when their are in trouble or if they need some guidance, but all the happy events, I am left out of.
Like my presence is souring the event. And thats hard to swallow. Just because I have been through hard things doesn't mean thats all I am. I can be glad for other people. But when you are left out of the loop that gladness turns to resentment.

Why me? Why couldn't I get just one thing on that list? Why do I always pick the short straw in life?
It is fate in its cruelest way, flaunting at me everything I cant have?
Why do I always have to swallow it, be the better person?
Why cant no one understand my grief? understand that living with extreme pain everyday will knock you of balance?
I sometimes think that people would have liked it better if I had died,than they could have this glorified picture of  me, rather then to see the changes that has come because of all of this... How can I stay the same after everything?

But isn't that life? every event, every tragedy, loss, love, friendship, family, work changes who we are constantly through out our life, the only constant is that things will always change.
so the question is embrace it or fight it??

0 2 YEARS...

This is where my blog saw the day of life, in bed in a hospital where no doctors had any idea have to fix me. It was the first picture that was taken for what was to become Life with dignity!!!
Even though I am in hell I feel blessed.
This blogg has been a platform for my rage, sadness, fight and resignation for my illness.
I have been able to do research on this subjects and share them, hopefully to someone who has needed it.

My love and tanks go out to those who have followed me, given me hope in hopeless situations, and my 1 goal for this blogg was to reach out to sick fellows and If my pain could help at least one then it would have all been worth it. And I have, so my goal has been reach.
So what will be my next goal??
I was afraid of my honest forthright that some would not like what I had to say, but the truth hearths sometimes even if we don't intend to.
By trying to help others I have helped myself, and I must say thats have surprised me. I think so much about others that even in my darkest hour I would rather help someone else than me.
But doing what comes natural to me, I have given myself the biggest gift : HOPE.
Hope that I might find a weird way to coexists with me many illnesses. A way to have a meaningful life in all tha chaos. To make a difference.
Working for the red cross gave me more than I think I gave them, somethings in this world cant really be bought with money:LIFE EXPERIENCE.
Life experience has made me a young/old women. to much baggage in th wrong place. But we got to work with what we got eh???

So thank you for giving me the strength to write this blogg in my best days,my worst days and all in between.
I have learned so much about humanity, patience, care, compassion and empathy..
My hell has also been a salvation, finding a road in the pitch black dark. would I be me without the worst ting that has happened to me?? I am my biggest obstacle, but also my strongest card.
To use my weaknesses for good and don't let my humanity get the best of me, bur use it to get me out of hell.

I hope my blogg will keep on for years to come, It has become my road map in and out of this hell, and I hope it will be for years to come, This is a lifelong journey, and not just a slope outside the road.

The slope off the road is my way now, it is a little more rural and difficult to navigate, but I have hope that one bumpy road is better than no road!! So I hope you will keep following my slope road into the future

6 Survival of the sick Vs. the healthy

Why is it that when something bad happens people need to sweep it under the rug?
No one wants to be around sick people to long, its like we are making the environment toxic.
People like you to talk about you're illness to begin with, I think that has more to do with curiosity, we like to be in the loop..
But if there aren't any progress people want to forget how fragile life is, how you one day can be healthy, and happy and the next day, seize to exists.

I feel people are starting to forget that I am sick, it feels like their faces are saying: like deal with it, don't talk about it, and if you try really hard maybe you will just forget that you are sick. I have!
I have never read an article in a magazine with a person who are

2 Maintain the rights of patients, not just for the doctors!

I have felt like a helpless person in my fight against "the system".
I say the doctors aren't the problem they are the symptom. The problem is higher up. they let the doctor do what they want without repercussions. And the patient isn't the main focus anymore!

Did you know than when a doctor wrongfully treats a patient, they will always consult with a lawyer and their trade union so they find a medical formulation so that the doctor will not be held accountable?
It is a type of camaraderie between doctors, the health care and the different public offices in Norway.
In 70% of cases the public offices win, does that ensure the patient rights?
In addition, wrongful treated patients is not recommended to get a lawyer

0 Discontinue of pain medication....

http://www.thefprprogram.com/

I have lived on a double-edged sword for a long time. hoping that someone/anyone would hear me cry for a better life. But I am not being heard.
My pain doctor at the university hospital says one thing at my consultation and end up writing another for the medical history.

They have now backed down on every promise they have maid. No qutenza, different medication, 2-opinion, acupuncture, and now discontinue of pain medication!
They have said they will only keep my as a patient, if I do everything they ask.
And they know what they are asking, I will not be able to do. How f&#¤et up is that?? Making me the bad guy, the quitter so they can have clean hands and a clean "conscience".
So the 22 of November they are starting to discontinued pain patch over a period...
My doctor said: It will hurt like crazy for up to 10 years