0 Merry Christmas and more.....

ho, ho ho.. I wish you all a merry little Christmas, Hope you will surround yourself with those who matter to you, and not what...
The saying : "in the end, all you have is yourself" is a load of BS.... Every where you go ,everything you do is based on someone helping you. teaching you to read, talk, flying you to your destination, cleaning you're room, giving you a job, approving you're loan application, making the food you eat and the clothes you wear.
You don't live life alone, you're life is a world turning, and you are the

2 school?

I have such big hopes for the new year. I want to go back to school, and to actually take an exam.
The last 2 years, I have read, and been to all the lectures, unless I was in the hospital.
I used to be able to read a week before an exam, and pass, but that was before all the medication that makes it hard to concentrate and to read.
Last time I was in the hospital, I actually wrote a paper, and I passed. And if I am not hospitalized when I have the exams, I know I can do this. I just have to find the fighter in me, and bring her out.

I am a dermatologist, but I had to give that up very early. How many finds their profession when they are 14? I did. But because of my health I couldn't continue. So at the age of 23 I had to give that up and find a new one.
I had to think about a profession where i could walk, stand and sit. I have to change position every hour because of my back. And as a teacher I can do some of my work at home, or in the weekends. So I can still have bad days without affecting my work. I also needed to have a job where I could work with people, So the teaching profession would be perfect for me.

Again I am sitting here. I have a few more diagnoses, and in some way I should probably give up and become disabled. But I don't want that. I wish for a "full" life. And we do spent one third of life on the job, so our work matters a hole lot.
Why Am I in this world, if its not to make a difference?

0 christmas shopping

Today my parents took me out for some shopping to get out of the house. I always get shocked by how many people I have to buy gifts for. but I am over halfway there. so that's a start.
A shopper as I am, I ended up buying new winter shoes for me. New indoors shoes, two tights, new sheets for the bed, and mittens. I can never shop for only what I set out to buy.. I think it is a disease, my brain looses all focus.
I have to make lists with who I am buying for, what I am getting them, and who remains, or I will buy several things to every person.

My brain doesn't work with this Lyrica pills. I walk like I am drunk even though my brain is clear, so high heeled shoes are a no, no. unless i wanna stay a night on a drunk cell, because i have no chance at walking on a straight line. So Lyrica makes you feel like an alcoholic. I hope that someday a drug comes on the market that could help me and others like me to have a normal life as possible, because to live like this it is the same as not living at all. I sleep all the time, I cant follow a conversation, I lie crying in pain, I can eat 2% of what exists on the marked, and all I want is to go to school, get my education, and start teaching. and also get back to the red cross and help those who need help. I want my life to have purpose again.