1 Trying Hard..

I am trying to get out of the house a little more, but because we don't have a car I don't want to travel to far.
In December we went to Karl Johan's street, and into a local mall, and of course the esophagus spasms had to appear.
So after that I am very scared of going to far without the possibility to get home within 10 min.

Yesterday I finally got to go to ikea and change our footstool that has been broken for almost a year.

And thats what great with ikea, they look at the receipt, than give you you're money back so you can get a new one, or just let it be. And even though it is way to big for our living room I still bought it. Where else am I going to have all of my candles?

I find that burning candles are very healing for my soul. I get this tranquility when I am around them. The easiest way to get a room to literally light up, is to put some fuel in the lighter and fire it up.
And I do try to do that on a every week basis. And now that my Christmas candlesticks are gone, It feels even colder and more sterile than normal.
I guess thats what I have been trying to do the last couple of days. To try and make my house into a home again after Christmas.
But by no means believe that everything is a smooth sailing. Because it is not. breaks every 10 min, and the break can last for hours, and sometimes until the next day.
Its not easy taking back you're life that has spun out of control. And put esophagus spasms in the mix, that are so random that you don't know how you will find the pattern, and control it..
How do you cope with stress without getting stressed out???

1 Why Esophagus Spasms occur and how they feel....

Some people around me wonder how it is to have esophagus spasms.
I know with 100% that it is coming when my voice becomes hoarse, scratchy or i loose it completely. And it is not funny when my voice starts acting up, and I am somewhere that I cant lie down, or take painkillers.
At first I thought that the botox had done it to me, because the first month my voice was hoarse the entire time. But then I started to see a pattern that every time I had a different voice, the esophagus spasms started within 20 min.
Its not always like this, I can get spasms without notice. I can be resting at home or at the mall. But as the textbook says, stress is the worst thing for us with spasms. And that is so true, even though its not easy to calm you're self down in every situation.
I guess that in time I do have to learn some stress reliving exercises.

And having the esophagus spasms is a little different each time. Its like this burning sensation, but also like you have cramps in the leg on top. Have you ever had a cramp in your muscles ? Well the esophagus spasms is pretty much like that, but you have the burning feeling in addition.
But it can also feel like this big lump in the throat,as if something is stuck. And sometimes the food is actually stuck. Then it helps drinking a lot of water. But this happen very rarely to me. Most of the time only because I don't chew the food good enough.

The bigger issue is that a cramp in the leg you patch up in matter of seconds, but esophagus spasms can last for hours. And sometimes it can feel like you have had a spasm for days. Its just one big spasm!
Can you imagine that, having a cramp in the leg for a couple of days? Or even months? Would you need painkillers, or do you think you are strong enough, so that you don't need any?