0 FIS Nordic World Ski Championships

I am a Norwegian, in every possible way. I love the World Ski Championship.
Okay we Norwegians are not happy if we don't take the gold home. But this year we are at home. And that means that we want all the gold, silver and bronze medals.
If I am in better shape, we will go see the WC this weekend. So I am crossing my fingers.
It is better to see if from home in the worm house and cozy couch. But since my mom made me the WC sweater and headband I do feel I need to make the most of it. Also because it is in Oslo, my hometown. Its not that many chances one get to see this at home.

This is the time that I hate the most when I am sick. I love the winter, and winter sports, and I cant be a part of it. You see everyone typing in facebook that they are going to see the medal ceremony or see the different WC events. It hurts that I cant be a part of it.

But again I am hoping.
That is the only thing I have left, and I am keeping it!

7 Flowers

I have gotten a mixed relationship with flowers.
On the one hand I love having them, and how they light up a room.
On the other hand they remind me of the hospital. Thankfully, one of the hospitals I was admitted to had a strict no flower policy. Otherwise I would have slept in a flower shop.
But when you still are sick it is nice to watch them when you are having a bad week.
But if I was healthy I would much rather use the money one going to a restaurant with my boy.
I guess I still dream of food I cant eat right now, but I do get that I most likely never will eat normal again.
But I guess that is what we people do, we hope, even if we shouldn't!

2 When Life Becomes a Sea of Pain

I wanted to leave you with this poem on how it is to be sick. I think everyone who has been sick can relate to this Poem:

When life becomes a sea of pain
And every moment agony
I must endure again, again,
It is a curse to have to be.

And every moment agony,
And every longing fixed on death;
It is a curse to have to be
And fight by instinct for each breath.

And every longing fixed on death
Even as I must go on
And fight by instinct for each breath,
Sailing thus, though loved, alone.

Even as I must go on,
You watch me helpless from the shore;
Sailing thus, though loved, alone,
I need you with me all the more.

You watch me helpless from the shore
As I endure again, again;
I need you with me all the more
When life becomes a sea of pain.

Poem by: Nicholas Gordon
Painting by: Josephine wall

4 I wanna go faster..

I am a little upset after the visit to my doctor on Thursday.
I know that I am going to two things over the next few months, but for me, its to slow.
I was hoping that more would happen, and that they would start to search the government for the drugs in the US. And the hypnoses he talked about.
I don't want to feel sick anymore, I don't have the time. I wanna live my life, and not to sit in the waiting room anymore.

7 Today....

Today, I am having one of those days that you will have when you are sick. Guilt.
One of my best friends is having her 30 year old birthday party, and I had to cancel.
I am so sick of always being sick. And I want so badly to be there for everyone, but I cant seem to even be there for myself. Because I am walking around with this bad feeling, over what?  Because my health isn't good ? Is that my fault? I do seem to have it in for myself, always beating myself up for not having better health! Always saying that I am sorry that I cant be there. Telling people that I really wanted to.
Does it care if I wanted to? If my body wont go, I am not going......