0 Insane...

This is insane. I am terrified of heights. And I would never be able to sent my husband of to work if he had chosen this profession.. But who in their right mind chose this for a living???

0 OMG.....

School is never easy, especially when you have lost you're place, and have to apply again.
Yesterday I sent in the blue sheet with my diploma from high school and medical certificate that proves that I have been sick. The blue sheet need to be sent to the university of Oslo.
I was very happy that I finally got that out of the way,
But do you think anything comes easy for me?
No, today I found out I had to send a yellow sheet with my high school diploma to "samordna opptak". The are they who take care of the coordinated admissions to universities and Colleges in Norway.
So I had to get dressed within two minutes and out the door, because I needed a correct copy of my high school diploma, and get that sent from a post office that gives the stamp, so they didn't think I sent it tomorrow.
One draining day, that wasn't good to begin with. The pain school was very hard mentally.
And one day after, I cant remember what I learned. But I am going over my notes tomorrow
Good night :)

2 Pain school Today

This day has been full of impressions, and I have written down 8 A4 page with notes from todays class.
What was more troubling to me, was that I was the only one who did.
The others said that they also had problems with concentration and easily forget. So why didn't they take notes?
I can remember a few lines from the lecture today.
But I will give more info tomorrow. Now of to bed.. very tired from all the Impression from a interesting day!

2 Pain school

The pain school is coming up, Its actually on Wednesday and I am hoping that I can last for 4 hours.
Its a long time when you are as unstable as me.
But the people who are having it know me, so they will help if something happens.
What hospital doesn't have a bed?
The only thing I have to remember is  a pencil and paper, otherwise I wont remember anything from the pain school, and isn't that the hole point?
Maybe I should send my boyfriend in stead?

3 My Doctor

I am a little sad because my doctor at the National Hospital who is a specialist in esophagus spasms has retired.

He did have a doctor underneath him who is the doctor who has administered my botox injections.

But I really don't want to start with a new doctor, and use another 2 years for he to get to know me.

And you really don't know how he is going to react with me knowing so much about my disease.

Its not all doctors who like that the patient know just as much as they do.

And I don't like changes that much, I like to know what I have to deal with,otherwise I get very nervous.

On the other hand maybe a new doctor with new eyes, can come up with something clever.

4 My own Tens

Today I got a new TENS device, that is mine :) Very happy about that. I do have to pay for my own pads, but that is 7$ a month. I can live with that.

What was more unsettling was that I was at the National Hospital for my check-up. They said I had to go to Ullevål to get the Tens. But when I got there they said that a new regulation from 01-2011, did that I had to pick the Tens up at Buskerud regional hospital because I was part of Vestre Viken and not Oslo. Norwegian bureaucracy my ass.
So then we finally made it to aids center and the first the woman said is: I don't know if we have anymore Tens, because we have ordered several that hasn't arrived yet.. Are you kidding me?
She went into another room, and when she came back she had a Tens devise in her hand.. johooo...
I got a Tens after some serious driving around half the east cost.

0 Pain-School

I got a letter today, and I am going to the Pain-School next Wednesday.
I hope I pick up a thing or two about how to live with a chronicle illness.
I am glad that this is happening very fast, I wonder what I am going to do the next few months?
Just lean back and be sickerly sick?

0 Keeping my Psyche

Its nice to have my psychiatric nurse once a week. I get to talk about my problems to one who doesn't have an emotional attachment to me.
There are things that you don't want to talk to family, friends or boyfriend.
Its not easy to get safely through the maze thats Norway's health care system. And Ellen helps me a lot.

She is also there to help me come to terms with what I have been trough, and to help me realize what my future might be.
The one thing that is not so good is that you have to know that this service exists, and sought it out. It should be something that was offered to everyone who will be or has been sick for a long time, and gone trough life changing surgeries, and need help with out their new life!

Of course Ellen asked a lot of questions the first couple of times, because she didn't know anything about esophagus spasms, but she was refreshingly honest about it, and didn't try to seem like she knew more than she did.

3 Alone

When you are sick the hardest part is loneliness.You think that no one understands and that you basically are left alone to die like a sick animal. But then you hear that there is a place you can turn to for help and guidance.

And when you reach out to this organization for help, because their motto is: We are here for you. And all you get is a small e-mail with the basic of esophageal spasms.

Nothing like: we will help you, and we will have a meeting for people in you're situation. Now you don't have to be scared anymore because we are here for you! They do cover digestive disses, but they're main focus in Crohn's  and Ulcerative colitis.What about the rest of us? We need help too!
Now I will have to figure out everything on my own. And thats not easy when you have 6 ½ bad days.

3 LIFE

Life should be that when you are coming home from work, and made dinner for the kids and gotten them to bed, then cuddle up in the sofa with a great book.
But when you cant remember what you had for dinner yesterday, how can you enjoy the simple things like the perfect good night kiss? Or the gentle love stokes from you're man? And the way he looks at you, his perfect eyes that can see inside you're soul.


Life should be about Happiness and possibilities, and not pain and perseverance!
Life should be about love, commitment and family, not about struggle and isolation!
Life should be about making memories and and making babies, and not about loneliness, and fighting to keep the passion alive!
Life should be a struggle, but a wonderful journey you take with the people you love!
And the people you love, that is you're home !