4 My weekend

Okay so have I been on a lot of pain killers the last month.. Truly sad that some doctors only think its mental pain. because I have done all of tests 4 times.. How many times do I have to do this tests to be belived.

 Anyway. I have had a busy weekend. On Friday I made Christmas cakes with my mother in law.
Well she made them and I talked.But I was totally tired and felt a slip when I got home.

 

On Saturday we went downtown Oslo and took care of the last Christmas shopping, yes I do not just think that my small surgery next week will go smoothly, no other surgery I have had have, so why should it now?

My sister Marthe met me and my boyfriend in Oslo, and came home with us, for some good food and conversation. She slept over and went to work.It was really good to see her again. She is almost 20 years old. Its so strange. It feels like yesterday that I was told I was going to be a big sister again.. Amazing how the time just fly by..

Today I went to a mall and got some nice clothing to wear on Christmas eve. Yes in Norway and in my family we eat ribs on Christmas eve, and for dessert we have cloud berry cream.. Its so good.

And again we do go around the Christmas tree singing Norwegian songs. This is one of the songs we sing, and the one I love the most:

We  do open the presents on Christmas eve. This year its going to be my parents, my boyfriend (we have been together for almost 6 years, so the same as married)haha, my sister Anette, and my grandparents. I am so lucky that I have only lost my grandfather on my mothers side. I am very lucky in that way.

So thanks to some painkillers I had a nice weekend for a change. When you are as sick as I am its nice to get a break, and for a little while I can feel normal, like everybody else..

So all over, the first good weekend  since mid October..

2 today has been a good one...

I have had 2 good friends who came to visit me and gave me a lovely flower bouquet. one of them, have a little baby that is 5 months old.
It's nice to see people, and not get to isolated, when you are in pain, but think about it for yourself? how would you deal with overpowering pain? We all think we are so strong but when all comes to all, it's okay to not be so strong, and ask for help. Being in pain is no way to live, been drugged down so much that you just sleep all the time, is not a way to live either. The doctors have to find the golden midway. What is hardest is that I really don't want to go on any medicine at all, I just want the doctors to get off their asses and cure me.

But this has been one of the better days i have had, and comments that I am becoming a junky, it's really not necessary. Would that person have said that if I were fighting cancer? Or any other known diseases that we know are painful. that's what is the hardest. Nobody believes you because they don't know the disease and how much this hurts.

It's not a good feeling to hope that you could have an illness (like cancer) that there is a hope that you can be cured. Because this is the problem. They can't cure me, so how do you people out there think I should grab this "state" am in?

We are looking at every single website we can find. We have bought the latest research on esophagus spasms, we are trying alternative, and experimental treatment. but none of this will make me healthy, it will only make the symptoms less visible.

So for all of you out there who thinks all I will become is a junkie, come on.... either give me some hope that can give me a chance to find a cure, or stop being so judgmental!



Aren't the flowers pretty?