0 everything is a mess

I am so sick of everybody telling me that we are not giving you any more pain killers, because we want to help you. what the fuck?
I wanna be pain free, how am i going to live a dignified life, lying in a bed crying and screaming because i don't know what to do with myself. If you are in enough pain you are more likely to jump out of a window than stay and fight every single day of your life that seems more like a living hell then a life with dignity. On the other side i shouldn't have painkillers because of all the bad side effects, so lying in bed having no life is a good side effect?
I am ADDICTED TO BEING PAIN FREE, it's not fair to say that I just have to work with myself mentally, I have worked with myself mentally, I see a psychologist.. what more can i do?
when a doctor slams in your face that there is not a damn thing they can/will do for you, they should try to tell the patient with a little bit of understanding and dignity. It's not easy being told they don't have a treatment for your condition. that you are basically stuck being in this hell hole the rest of your life?