Monday, October 31, 2011

6 Mondays should be about hope, and the future

I always loved Mondays. A new week, new possibilities, new friends to make, and coworkers to laugh with.
No its is just the start of another bad week, with no glimmer of sun rising up from the horizon. No coworkers, and friends are not something I have the strength, or health to see every day. Maybe one a week.. So it is eight. sickness causes isolation, and isolation causes depressions, with make you isolate yourself..
How do you get put of that circle when you are still sick?? nothing to fight for other that fighting the illness itself??

Saturday, October 29, 2011

0 The new psychiatric nurse

The new nurse were here yesterday, and as a creature that likes routines, I was a little sceptical, but as I said to my boyfriend; I will give her a fair shot, and sometimes change is good..
She was actually very sweet and asked a lot of honest questions.
She said she was a strait forward girl, and that that sometimes can be seen as harsh.
I said I didn't mind as long as she could deal with me being honest back, and not sugarcoat it.
Everyone works differently, and maybe everyone will get the same outcome in the end, but just in different ways.

so hopefully this will lead to a positive change for once, or maybe it will be hell, time will tell... good weekend to everyone :)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

0 Change Again.....

This last month has been one disappointing after another. And now my Psychiatric nurse is leaving her job.
It cant be easy when you end up as the patients you are helping, so I hope for her sake that she will find peace, better health, and a job that doesn't drain the life out of her.
But I am a little scared of the new nurse. I felt I was at a job interview. She was very tough. But I will give her a fair chance. she deserves that. But I will miss Ellen. I don't think I would have survived the last year without her.
She has given me perspective, help with my rights, someone who listens and sometimes talk about absolutely
nothing when I felt I had nothing to give.  But New week, new opportunities..

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

0 Everything will be OK ......

Everything will be OK in the end. If it`s not OK, it`s not the end... (Unknown)

Holding on to the tiniest hope I can :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

3 Will my life matter???

I used to be a volunteer with the red cross., and I loved it. In Norway we are used to that the government are suppose to take care of the sick and those who cant take care of them selfs.
We don't have the same outlook on charity as American, or thousands of charities such as habitat for humanity,food banks, Animal and Education Charities to name a few.
But why do we do it. everyone including myself says that I do it because I want to make a difference, I want to know that I saved a person. My life mattered. I wont be remembered in a thousand years, but my actions will be a echo through times because featuring generations will grow up because I saved others..

But in all this I think I do this to help myself. I get a kick out of helping others, and I don't have to pay for it. And the hangover is as sweet as the first ice cream you got when the summer came.
I get to feel that I, and my life mattered for the brief moment I was on this earth.
I hope our society will get back to what it was before. living together, talking and befriend the neighbor, keep the streets safe, and borrow a cup of sugar from you're neighbor .
I hope we will start to connect again to other people through the living plane, and not only through computers and technology.
Humans are pack animals, its time we start to go back to that, otherwise, how are we going to save this planet we are poisoning ????

Friday, October 7, 2011

0 when does it stop??

I wonder, when is enough enough?? Do you have to get to hell before you can come to heaven? Or is life hell, and we are all trying to be angels in a world torn apart by war, hunger and decease?
I thought that I soon would see green meadows again, laugh until I wet myself, see the beauty in the world and people the way I used to.

But my pain never comes alone. 2 weeks ago my world felt into darkness when I was told they wouldn't do the botox.
Now I am told that the irregular cell division in my uterus is back. so much for closing that chapter. So now I have to take a new biopsy. I am afraid that the only way to get this under control is to do a hysterectomy.
This is not a good way to start a weekend after a horrible couple of weeks. when will it end?? When will my suffering end?