2 Christmas eve in Norway.....

Rib Christmas dinner

For me in Norway it is the evening before Christmas eve...
In my family we eat rib roast, the meat is grounded one more time before the meatballs are fried, as are the sausages that are extra thick, sauerkraut, red cabbage, potatoes with parsley, and cloud-berry cream for dessert..
But in more resent years my mom and sister has began to make another meal: pinnekjøtt.
On top of that my mom loves rice pudding, so she makes that to.. I could have sworn she was feeding half of Africa population...

Pinnekjøtt

Isn't that always the problem when to people create their own family, their holiday traditions crash!
so how do we solve it, where goes the compromise?
for me rib roast and Christmas tree smell gets me in a Christmas mood. I don't like rib roast all that much, I always get exited over the meatballs that my mom make, half ground beef, and half ground beef grounded on more time.. They are absolutely amazing. maybe because I only get them once a year!
The pinnekjøtt smells awful,like foot-sweats smell on steroids...
My favorite se she knows how much I love it.


We also opens the presents on Christmas eve. We open only one at a time so we use hours to get through it all. But Christmas eve is the one day a year my mom says; we don't have to rush. Its the one night a year we slow things down and just be together..

Cloudberry cream

We also go around the Christmas tree every year. And thats fun, and very nice to move you're body after that heavy Christmas dinner.
We have Christmas booklets with all the Norwegian and some foreign song, translated into Norwegian.
So we tend to take a verse of the most famous songs, and it's always fun, especially after a few glasses of wine, beer and aquavit... And if it start to become a winter wonderland  into the evening, its alomst like you are looking at a painting in motion. Its breath taking, and making me appreciate our climate, even though some will say we live a in a cold, almost harsh climate.

Rice pudding

But you got to love the good as much as the bad.... But tomorrow I want to be in the present, who knows what will happen after that...
happy holidays....

0 Merry Christmas and more.....

ho, ho ho.. I wish you all a merry little Christmas, Hope you will surround yourself with those who matter to you, and not what...
The saying : "in the end, all you have is yourself" is a load of BS.... Every where you go ,everything you do is based on someone helping you. teaching you to read, talk, flying you to your destination, cleaning you're room, giving you a job, approving you're loan application, making the food you eat and the clothes you wear.
You don't live life alone, you're life is a world turning, and you are the

1 I want everyone to be blessed with what they need, not what they think they want...

I have all thees dreams I want to realize; being a teacher, creating and organization helping people who have esophageal diseases,support groups, volunteering for the red cross, starting boutique where I can sell smart interior.
I have come to that realization that I need to help people. I am happiest helping others, it gives me purpose, and I am selfish that way, I want a GOOD purpose for my life!
When I was a homework teacher. I swear, that volunteer job didn't pay anything, but that gave me more,

1 Trying Hard..

I am trying to get out of the house a little more, but because we don't have a car I don't want to travel to far.
In December we went to Karl Johan's street, and into a local mall, and of course the esophagus spasms had to appear.
So after that I am very scared of going to far without the possibility to get home within 10 min.

Yesterday I finally got to go to ikea and change our footstool that has been broken for almost a year.

And thats what great with ikea, they look at the receipt, than give you you're money back so you can get a new one, or just let it be. And even though it is way to big for our living room I still bought it. Where else am I going to have all of my candles?

I find that burning candles are very healing for my soul. I get this tranquility when I am around them. The easiest way to get a room to literally light up, is to put some fuel in the lighter and fire it up.
And I do try to do that on a every week basis. And now that my Christmas candlesticks are gone, It feels even colder and more sterile than normal.
I guess thats what I have been trying to do the last couple of days. To try and make my house into a home again after Christmas.
But by no means believe that everything is a smooth sailing. Because it is not. breaks every 10 min, and the break can last for hours, and sometimes until the next day.
Its not easy taking back you're life that has spun out of control. And put esophagus spasms in the mix, that are so random that you don't know how you will find the pattern, and control it..
How do you cope with stress without getting stressed out???

0 loneliness

This Norwegian article ( you can get it translated in Google.com), shows that more than 500 people dies over the holidays, than it does in September, the same year
           http://www.vg.no/helse/artikkel.php?artid=10012691
This shows how important it is to have family and friends around you. we all need a good social network.

Source: SSB Norway

I know, because I am so much sick, its not always easy to have those social ties that you actually needs,
just because you are sick and spends most of the day alone.I consider myself very lucky when it comes to friends, but I also know that I want to spend more time with them then my health allows me to. I feel so guilty every time I have to say no. I can see in their eyes that they get disappointed every time, even though they say its okay.
But I am lucky, because my friends don't go anywhere, they are with me through  the ups and downs.

So if you know of someone who is lonely, and we know that the holidays make people who are lonely even more so. Call them, or take them out for something to eat or a movie.
But not think that anyone else will do it, you be that person today who pick ups the telephone and call!

2 Tired!

Sorry i haven't been so active on the blog the last couple of days.
I am having a ruff time lately. The spasms wont go away, and I have to wait a month to get the Durogesic patch on blue prescription ( that means you have to pay 1800 Kr. in deductible, and then its free the rest of the year). and Durogesic patch costs 2500 Kr. for 1 month.

And the worst, I feel like I have missed Christmas again. I just wonder when it is my time to have it all?
When will I get what I dream of, when i am lying here on the couch.
Hopefully I will be better in a few days. Thats the problem, I want to be healthy,and then I try not to show my pain even though I am in a lot of pain.

4 Spasms!

This is how it goes. I was looking forward to Christmas so much this year, since I didn't have a real one last year.
And of course I overdid it yesterday. But when you are sick 35 weeks out of the year, you want to have Christmas.
At least thats what i want. I have always loved Christmas, it has always been  "my" holiday. My traditions.
So maybe its worth been in severe pain today, so I got to have a nice Christmas eve.

I have tried to take the pain killers I have, but nothing have worked. some days nothing will take away the pain.
I am beginning to try that something went wrong when I got the last botox, because every time I am in pain, I either get a scratchy voice or I loose it. I am thinking that maybe the botox didn't ran correctly, and that it affected the vocal cords. But thats only a theory.
My boyfriends things that I possible have spasms in my vocal cords, and thats why I get a scratchy voice.
But we are trying to keep a journal on this things, so we eventually can see what remedies that work, and what doesn't, and what kind of foods I can eat. But we only started a couple of weeks ago so we don't see a pattern just yet!

0 Merry Christmas!

I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas.
I hope you all will slow down, and take the time to enjoy family, friend, lover, etc.
If you are blesst with having people in you're life, I think now is a good time to let them know that you appreciate everything that they do for you, and most important thing of all, that you love them.

Nothing means more than that. When I had to be hooked up to the respirator, all i could think about is that I always have said that if I would have a chance to tell the people in my life, that i love them, I would.
So I sent a text message to my closest friends. And of course I scared the shit out of them.

But I could do that to my family, I didn't now how to say goodbye. I cant remember what I said to my parents, and my hubby, and maybe if I was clearer I would have sent personal text to everybody, but lets face it.
When you are that sick, you're mind begins to wander over to another world, and you're body is starting to give up, but still I needed to face that i might not wake up again. And thats the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I came to think of this, because my cousin was hospitalized tonight, the night before Christmas. And then I started to think of my  last Christmas when i was in the hospital. Its not ideal, but you just have to make the best of it :) At least you are still on this earth.

So to everybody out there, if you are so lucky to have family, and friends, now is the time to enjoy, and appreciate them, you may not have them next year, or you might not be here next year.
I know that I will!

Big Christmas hugs to all....

0 Christmas Song!

Purchase this song on I tunes. All the profits go to the Red Cross organization.

For 1 dollar you can support a charity.. That is a reasonable price!

2 Thinking about others!

Its only a couple of days until Christmas, and a lot of us have a good job, family, and we have just about everything we need, or want, but there are a lot of people, and children out there who could need some help.
So this year, buy a gift for the people in your life, a gift that really mean something.

Doctors without borders, The red cross, Save the children, Haiti Relief Fund, Breastcanser foundation, or maybe a national or local organization. Try to help someone who has less in this life than you, or who has an illness they need help with to get better. Either that is to give money, or to volunteer!

I live in Norway, one of the richest county in the world, and Yes i complain, I want my health to get better, and I get money when I am sick and cant work.
But the truth is that I am lucky, I have a home, electricity, cloths, shoes (many), and a hole lot of things I almost never use.
If I had been sick in many other countries I would not have gotten any help. I probably never would have seen the inside of a hospital. and I would have to work 16 hours a day, just to not get what I needed.

I have said the word I 14 times,I should for a moment think about others. thats my new years resolution, what is yours?

0 The holiday spirit

Today has been a slow day, I have pretty much spent the entire day on the couch. Okay so I did take a shower, and  mashed fish and potatoes-as usual for dinner. its a week until Christmas and what i miss the most is the Coca Cola Christmas advertisement:

I think Cola has made a huge mistake making a new video without this song especially. Okay so if they wanted a change, but don't take out the song and the trucks. But they can fresh it up each year.
So I am so depressed, why Cola, why?
Even Elkjøp ( a Norwegian electronics shop), uses the same TV ad every year. They have understood that we get some feeling out of seeing the same one every year.
Its like watching Donald Duck with friends every year:

                                        
                                        

And seeing three nuts for Cinderella:

And for me thats what this holiday is all about. traditions. I do agree that we each should make our own traditions, but some of them are soo good already, so why change them?  Maybe we should get some new ones, but still have the old ones as well.
I like that when the Cinderella story comes on its starting to smell the food in the oven, and that the dam Coca Cola ad when I am watching another channel.
And the night before Christmas we always watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:

I simply love this movie. Its such a great story. Don't we all want a great Christmas? And haven't we all done some things that are Griswold like? In my family the big problem have always been with getting the tree in the tree socket. Its been so many years that it have broken, and the night before Christmas we drove around to every gas station to get a new socket. Why didn't they learn that the socket needs to stay indoors, because its made of plastic, and that breaks if you set it outside in -10?
And then its the Christmas lights, my parents used 18 years before they got the hang of it, and my moms cousins always came, either to watch or to help with the light.
And as my moms cousin now says, its not as funny anymore, when they are not fighting over those lights. I couldn't agree more :)
Of course we know all the words in this movie, but we change between the movie and this show that has Norwegian Christmas songs, and show you have to prepare the Christmas dinner.
We also have this comedy routine that they have showed for as long as we have had TV i Norway. At least I cant remember that I haven't seen the countess and the headwaiter:

And since I was born in 81 and they have showed this since 1980 its not really that hard to belive that I cant remember I time that this wasn't on the TV.
So now I have showed you all my Christmas ad, film, and cartoon I have to see to get into the holiday spirit.
Is it just me that must see this shows to get into the Christmas feeling? Or do you have something that you just have to watch to get into that feeling, or do you just need "gløgg " to get that warm fuzzy feeling?

4 My weekend

Okay so have I been on a lot of pain killers the last month.. Truly sad that some doctors only think its mental pain. because I have done all of tests 4 times.. How many times do I have to do this tests to be belived.

 Anyway. I have had a busy weekend. On Friday I made Christmas cakes with my mother in law.
Well she made them and I talked.But I was totally tired and felt a slip when I got home.

 

On Saturday we went downtown Oslo and took care of the last Christmas shopping, yes I do not just think that my small surgery next week will go smoothly, no other surgery I have had have, so why should it now?

My sister Marthe met me and my boyfriend in Oslo, and came home with us, for some good food and conversation. She slept over and went to work.It was really good to see her again. She is almost 20 years old. Its so strange. It feels like yesterday that I was told I was going to be a big sister again.. Amazing how the time just fly by..

Today I went to a mall and got some nice clothing to wear on Christmas eve. Yes in Norway and in my family we eat ribs on Christmas eve, and for dessert we have cloud berry cream.. Its so good.

And again we do go around the Christmas tree singing Norwegian songs. This is one of the songs we sing, and the one I love the most:

We  do open the presents on Christmas eve. This year its going to be my parents, my boyfriend (we have been together for almost 6 years, so the same as married)haha, my sister Anette, and my grandparents. I am so lucky that I have only lost my grandfather on my mothers side. I am very lucky in that way.

So thanks to some painkillers I had a nice weekend for a change. When you are as sick as I am its nice to get a break, and for a little while I can feel normal, like everybody else..

So all over, the first good weekend  since mid October..

4 were are we going

Today i finally got an appointment to the Pain clinic on the 14 of December, and I am hoping with every bone in my body that they will find a way to make my pain less, so I can live a little more. I am starting to get tired of this couch. and I wanna decorate the house for Christmas, and eat without fear.

To have a disease that makes you scream by just swallowing food, liquids, and my own saliva. do I have to be scared to eat for the rest of my life? And I never know when the esophagus spasms are coming. sometimes I don't even have to eat anything.
what I would like is to talk to others that are in the same situation, and what has helped for them, or if they are in my position: maybe we could help each other. There has to be something out there that can help, but where? even if you don't have spasms but have found some coping techniques for living with chronic diseases?
Its not easy reading articles from different countries with Google translator... it's not always precise.

4 Desember!

December has always been my favorite month. I love snow, shopping presents, decorating, candles, Christmas trees and I love that even though all of (us) kids have grown up, we still go around the Christmas tree. and we still open one present at a time. Christmas eve is the one day a year you have all the time in the world. We would open presents all night long if that what it takes. One Christmas we used 6 hours, but we had a lot of fun during those six hours. and I love all the typical Norwegian foods and drinks we have this month.

It has always been the time of year where my boyfriend and I gather all of our friends and have a Christmas party with good food and a lot of aquavit. Sometimes we can even take a little walk on the lake, or just walk late at night while it's snowing. Some of us girls have taken the ferry to Denmark to party, and just being the girls. that was supposed to be last weekend and I cant really make any plans with my health. so maybe next year. and the Christmas party was going to be this weekend, but that will not happen until next year.

Oh well on too a totally different topic: The cold is the only thing I am not too happy about. But when you live in Norway, you get used to it or move. it's really not that a difficult decision. I have sometimes played with the idea of moving somewhere warmer, but my family and my friends mean too much to me.
If you are as lucky as I in both of those categories you'd stay right where you are too.

And isn't that what matters in life? A strong tied family, good friends, and for me: a good show on the TV, or a good book. and of course travel. learning new cultures, and meeting people at the place they are in there life, because we influence people all the time, and maybe most when we don't even think about it.

I have always had this philosophy, that every person that walks by me, I either smile to them or say hello and smile, because I don't know what that person goes through, and if my smile can make someone else smile one time that day, or maybe changes their state of mind, well I would like to think that I have made a difference at the end of my life.
You don't really have to be the president to change the world, it is the small things us "meaningless" people do that makes the world into good neighborhoods, and communities. because most of us can't see the whole world, its too big, so we just try to see what we can change in the area we spend most of our life in.

4 my f**ing luck

Today I got a nice letter in the mail that told me I have irregular cell division in my cervix and it's so big that they have to go in and cut out the part that have the irregular cell division, and send it away to see if there are some cancer cells. So the 15 of December is the d-day for the surgery. Here i go again.
A friend of mine said today that I should postpone the surgery until after Christmas, he said you know it will go wrong, it always goes wrong with you baby.

It sucks to always be the person that everything goes wrong with, why cant I be the lucky one? I have said the last year that when I turned 30 that my luck would turn as well, but do I have the time to wait until I turn 30? Now that something is wrong with my cervix, it seems that nothing is going my way.

I did what a lot of girls do in that kind of situation: major shopping spree, got some good holiday presents, and some nice stuff for my guy, cause he is the best one in the world. I love him with every bone in my body, that idiot... but he is my idiot. and he will be that all my life as they say, ring or no ring, that's not what matters. It's only the feeling we carry around in our hearts..

0 christmas shopping

Today my parents took me out for some shopping to get out of the house. I always get shocked by how many people I have to buy gifts for. but I am over halfway there. so that's a start.
A shopper as I am, I ended up buying new winter shoes for me. New indoors shoes, two tights, new sheets for the bed, and mittens. I can never shop for only what I set out to buy.. I think it is a disease, my brain looses all focus.
I have to make lists with who I am buying for, what I am getting them, and who remains, or I will buy several things to every person.

My brain doesn't work with this Lyrica pills. I walk like I am drunk even though my brain is clear, so high heeled shoes are a no, no. unless i wanna stay a night on a drunk cell, because i have no chance at walking on a straight line. So Lyrica makes you feel like an alcoholic. I hope that someday a drug comes on the market that could help me and others like me to have a normal life as possible, because to live like this it is the same as not living at all. I sleep all the time, I cant follow a conversation, I lie crying in pain, I can eat 2% of what exists on the marked, and all I want is to go to school, get my education, and start teaching. and also get back to the red cross and help those who need help. I want my life to have purpose again.