0 when does it stop??

I wonder, when is enough enough?? Do you have to get to hell before you can come to heaven? Or is life hell, and we are all trying to be angels in a world torn apart by war, hunger and decease?
I thought that I soon would see green meadows again, laugh until I wet myself, see the beauty in the world and people the way I used to.

But my pain never comes alone. 2 weeks ago my world felt into darkness when I was told they wouldn't do the botox.
Now I am told that the irregular cell division in my uterus is back. so much for closing that chapter. So now I have to take a new biopsy. I am afraid that the only way to get this under control is to do a hysterectomy.
This is not a good way to start a weekend after a horrible couple of weeks. when will it end?? When will my suffering end?

4 my f**ing luck

Today I got a nice letter in the mail that told me I have irregular cell division in my cervix and it's so big that they have to go in and cut out the part that have the irregular cell division, and send it away to see if there are some cancer cells. So the 15 of December is the d-day for the surgery. Here i go again.
A friend of mine said today that I should postpone the surgery until after Christmas, he said you know it will go wrong, it always goes wrong with you baby.

It sucks to always be the person that everything goes wrong with, why cant I be the lucky one? I have said the last year that when I turned 30 that my luck would turn as well, but do I have the time to wait until I turn 30? Now that something is wrong with my cervix, it seems that nothing is going my way.

I did what a lot of girls do in that kind of situation: major shopping spree, got some good holiday presents, and some nice stuff for my guy, cause he is the best one in the world. I love him with every bone in my body, that idiot... but he is my idiot. and he will be that all my life as they say, ring or no ring, that's not what matters. It's only the feeling we carry around in our hearts..