2 My Dream..

I have written before what my dreams in life were, and it still remains the same.
The only problem is that I feel that my life is passing bye me in still frame. frame bye frame.
And I cant stop it. I want children, but how?
I wanna work, and get my degree, but how?
How do you fight for the things you want, when you someday have problems with getting to the bathroom twice?

Painting by: Josephine Wall

4 I wanna go faster..

I am a little upset after the visit to my doctor on Thursday.
I know that I am going to two things over the next few months, but for me, its to slow.
I was hoping that more would happen, and that they would start to search the government for the drugs in the US. And the hypnoses he talked about.
I don't want to feel sick anymore, I don't have the time. I wanna live my life, and not to sit in the waiting room anymore.

6 Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation

Today I was at the hospital again, and not much is changing. I am going to continue with my medicines.
And I am going to go to pain school, and to a physical therapist that is going to see if  Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation can have some effect on my pain.

I have tried this before, but I guess everything is worth trying twice.

0 OMG....

I have used like 6 hours to try and improve the: this is esophagus spasms, and I was finished.
Poof and then the hole text was gone. I guess that means I have to start over again.
That is me in a nut shell.

0 Drugs in different shapes, but still the same

I may seem liberal when it comes to drugs and prescription, but I do think that we should go to a doctor to get prescriptions.
I am actually worried that you know can buy Drugs like Voltarol, same as Voltaren (Diclofenac) without a prescription at the pharmacy. Voltarol should only be used for for three days, it says so in the leaflet, but I highly doubt that most people do that.
And I think that the doctors do prescribes Voltaren to much, and for too long.
A couple of years ago, my doctor was sick so she had a substitute doctor, and he actually wanted me to go back on Voltaren because he meant that it was a drug without big side effects.
But is there a drug without side effects out there? You should only take medication if the positive things about using it overcomes the side effects.

But what do really blow my mind away was this e-mail my boyfriend got today. He could buy Codeine 30 mg × 30 Qty for $ 199.00.
But that was not all, they also sell drugs like Xanac, Valium, Adipex, Klonopin, Ambien, Meridia, Imovane, Restoril Codeine, Ultram and Tramadol without prescription.
I know that this is probably a Spam e-mail, but that is not the matter.
What matters is that you do have to check what kind of products you can take home from vacation, and what products you can order.

There was this older women in Norway who orders some DHEA online. She normally got it from her doctor, but because she was ordering glucosamine , she though she would buy DHEA cheap online. But you have to get this on prescription in Norway.
Most of the product at Drugstore.com is probably safe, but you should always be sure. Its not fun getting the police on you're door because you have bought something illegal.

I do think that there should always be a doctor between the patient and medication. Then you know that the different medication is safe to use together, and if you're health is not improving then they can send you to a specialist, or to the hospital.
I am not saying that doctors are perfect, because they are not, but it is a little safer that way. I know I feel safer that I have health care personnel around me.
I know that my doctor has become much stricter with writing out Voltaren. She is also beating herself up because she advised me to have the Nissen Fundoplication. She has also had that surgery, and she also had some big problems afterwards. But she thought it was only her that could get so sick after the surgery.

3 Lyrica®

I wanted to share a little of my experience with Lyrica, witch is used for treating neuropathic pain and a anticonvulsant drug . The active substance in Lyrica is Pregabalin.
In my place they hope that it will take the esophagus spasms.

The first two weeks I felt like I was sober trapped in a insanely drunk body. When I was talking nice and understandably in my head, but outside, to the rest of the world, I think they though that the hospital was giving me heroin or something. And I couldn't have walked on a strait line to save my life! My mom actually had to pick up my old winter shoes, because I couldn't manage to walk with a little heel. And for those of you that don't know me, I am the queen of heels..

But once I got through those first weeks, It was a little smoother sailing. But it took about 3 weeks before the big side effects wore of. I guess Lyrica is like a lot drugs against depression. The side effects comes first and the effect first after a couple of weeks.
I am not sure how effective they are, but if I didn't take them any more, maybe I would have felt it then.
I had the same thought about Neurontin last year, but when I stopped taking them for 2 weeks, my lung scar and  the inside of my chest started to really hurt.

So of you and you're doctor decides that Lyrica is the drug for you, clear the schedule for 2 weeks, because its gonna feel like a long binge drinking trip!

4 A little to late

I am siting on the couch, very tired after a long and artistic Sunday.
So what do I say about this day? It was a day where I was able to sort out a lot of things, papers, recites, and bills. But I has to be done even if you are sick.
I think I will just leave you guys with this picture of my new tea box :

And have a good week everyone :)

7 Today....

Today, I am having one of those days that you will have when you are sick. Guilt.
One of my best friends is having her 30 year old birthday party, and I had to cancel.
I am so sick of always being sick. And I want so badly to be there for everyone, but I cant seem to even be there for myself. Because I am walking around with this bad feeling, over what?  Because my health isn't good ? Is that my fault? I do seem to have it in for myself, always beating myself up for not having better health! Always saying that I am sorry that I cant be there. Telling people that I really wanted to.
Does it care if I wanted to? If my body wont go, I am not going......

2 .......

I am not in the best shape after yesterday, but hopefully after a couple of days more on the couch and I will be there. My skin is really red and dry, so for all of you out there: anesthesia is not good for the skin.

On to happier news; I am going back to school this semester. I am really happy about that. But first comes first.
I need to rest some more after the surgery. I will give you more updates over the next couple of days.
hugs to all

2 After the procedure

I just want to thank all good thoughts on behalf of Alexandra. The procedure went good even though it was postponed for almost 6 hours. She is pretty tired now and have a lot of pain (also) as a result of the procedure today. So with a little rest will make her able to write for herself what has happened...