Friday, November 11, 2011

0 2 years and counting

Now it has been two years since I made the mistake of trusting doctors with a surgery that couldn't go wrong.
The nissen fundoplication was suppose to be a routine procedure with the highest risk was not being able to eat for a week.
Two years after, I think, was the reflux my hell or the esophagus spasms?
People always thinks what they are dealing with in the present is the hardest, and most painful one.
But if I would have one week of each disease, I don't know with one I would rather have..
The sick joke of life is that we always want want we cant get, and get what we don't want..
So is that was life is about, gods Sadomasochist ways of torturing us, with our vulnerable side??

I hope that others out there don't have to go through what I have too, I don't wish that on my greatest enemy, not that I have one, but no one deserve to be tortured with pain everyday. It changes you, and not for the better. You become more cynical, less understanding, and more self absorbed.
I wish I could say that I didn't, but when you have been through hell and back again, you don't understand the samll tings anymore. the little fights means nothing, and small problems seems a ways of time.
Hopefully it is just a temporary side effect of being sick. I miss the girl that cared more about others that herself, the girl that would drop everything if a friend was in pain, and the girl that laugh at least 10 times a day, sometimes I could laugh for hours...

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