2 My Homework this week....

My first lesson this week is :
Accept reality as it is here and now.


To be honest, I really don't know. I know my reality, but at the same time I flee my reality because I don't know how to accept that the life I knew is over.
And if I accept it I fell like I am giving up on the idea of getting a treatment that can improve my quality of life.
Do any of us accept the brutal honesty of where they really are her an now?
I am going to have to chew on this a little while longer..


My second lesson is:
How my mind affects my mood and my energy?

thats a easier one. I drag myself into a deeper mud bath, my skin loves it, so does my hair. But my mood is as shifting as summer thunders/rain near the equator.
When I am in pain, I am like a rapid dog, I can snap without warning. And afterwards I feel so guilty, and then I wallow in self pity..
I can see how my mind can screw me over. But I guess thats my reality. I don't know how to deal, so I do all the wrong things, say the worst, and feel guilt from here to India.
I need my energy to get me back to a creative place, I have always loved doing things with my hands and creativity. I love to paint, scrapbooks, chasing historical monuments and artifacts, and make-up and fashion..
I miss it, but cant seem to get fashion to work with me. The close I used to love, I cant where because of my painful lung scar, and I cant wear pants that has a tight fit because of the drugs I take. So now I have lost that part who loved dressing up for a new day.
I just wish for one day that I could feel like a princess. perfect hair, make-up and a smashing outfit.
Maybe thats the energy I should focus on..... getting back to the creative, historical buff that is Alexandra??