Friday, April 20, 2012

2 My Homework this week....

My first lesson this week is :
Accept reality as it is here and now.

To be honest, I really don't know. I know my reality, but at the same time I flee my reality because I don't know how to accept that the life I knew is over.
And if I accept it I fell like I am giving up on the idea of getting a treatment that can improve my quality of life.
Do any of us accept the brutal honesty of where they really are her an now?
I am going to have to chew on this a little while longer..

My second lesson is:
How my mind affects my mood and my energy?

thats a easier one. I drag myself into a deeper mud bath, my skin loves it, so does my hair. But my mood is as shifting as summer thunders/rain near the equator.
When I am in pain, I am like a rapid dog, I can snap without warning. And afterwards I feel so guilty, and then I wallow in self pity..
I can see how my mind can screw me over. But I guess thats my reality. I don't know how to deal, so I do all the wrong things, say the worst, and feel guilt from here to India.
I need my energy to get me back to a creative place, I have always loved doing things with my hands and creativity. I love to paint, scrapbooks, chasing historical monuments and artifacts, and make-up and fashion..
I miss it, but cant seem to get fashion to work with me. The close I used to love, I cant where because of my painful lung scar, and I cant wear pants that has a tight fit because of the drugs I take. So now I have lost that part who loved dressing up for a new day.
I just wish for one day that I could feel like a princess. perfect hair, make-up and a smashing outfit.
Maybe thats the energy I should focus on..... getting back to the creative, historical buff that is Alexandra??


  1. Hi..
    Its going up and down.. Like always...
    how about you?? are you feeling better??
    What is in youre future
    hugs :)