Monday, April 2, 2012

0 Odynephobia,Agoraphobia............

I have finally started seeing a psychologist for pain management.
She really nails my worries and my problems. She says since I cant know when, how, or how strong the pain is that I have developed Odynephobia, (fear of pain) Agoraphobia because I don't manage places which I cant control. But where others are scared because of a panic attack, I am scared because I had esophagus spasms in that environment or mode of travel
She says I run from it, rather than face it, and that I can actually provoke the spasms..
She says that she cant take the pain away, but she can help me confront and accept it.

This is my reality, and I have to think in the present, not the past or the future. I have to come to terms with what is, and if I am in pain that thats ok. I shouldn't fight, give up or feel guilty, but accept it.
And the bad experiences I've had in the past should not shape what I do in the future, but rather teach me what I must do different so it wont happen, if possible.

This is going to be a long process, but I am glad that there might be a way for me to coexist with this disease, and take the driving seat, instead of being overrun by pain..
She wants me eventually to meet the pain instead of running from it. feel it, pick it apart, and perhaps  eventually the pain will not be so overwhelming, and can be experienced less painful.

It sounds really great and easy, but I have an idea that this is going to require hard work and many confrontations with myself I until now have avoided, but if it can give me a life I feel I can manage, it is worth it. As I said before, all treatments should be tested, not one stone should be left unturned, before I give in to the dark traveler..

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