0 Metallica..

Summer is a great time.. Friends, barbecue, tanning, traveling, enjoying a ice cold beer..
For me.. the greatest thing this year was the Metallica concert 23 of Mai..
I know... I have been looking forward to this for 9 months and I wanted to try an live for one evening.
The best was that it was 25 degrees Celsius, good friends and family was with me, and Metallica.. Who doesn't enjoy Metallica??
I took some pain killers before I went, and when the base heat the hardest It triggered spasms. So I sat myself down. 90 % of everyone was drunk anyway so that didn't seem odd to me..
But what made the day for me was that when I did sat down several people came over to me and asked if I was alright or if they could do something for me, or get me something to drink..
I have said for a long time that we have stopped caring about eacother in the public room, and a Metallica concert was the last place I thought people would care that much..
Again: don't judge the book bye its cover..
I did have to go when there was one song left, but I felt that was ok.. I had a great evening in a long time..
It was good for one evening to just be me, not my illness...

0 Exercising from your own house..

Have you sometimes skipped exercising due to travel time to the gym, or just the fact that after coming home from work you get glued to the sofa?
Yet there are all this commercials with exercising DVD you can do at home. But who wants to use 100$ on a training routine that they don't know they will like?
Now you don't have too. there are a lot of different exercises on the internett, for free. Isn't that a great 2 Pentecostday??
I have put together a few different work out types that you can try at home:


Bonnies Workout Pilates Routine Total Body;

Kickboxing Workout Exercise Class;

 5 minute Cardio workout;

20 Minute Dumbbell Workout;

Remember to warm up first, use a gym mat, and training sneakers so you dont get any injuries!
Have fun :)

2 Why good vs bad??

Never take you're life for granted.. I did, I just thought that if I was a nice, good, girl, with a little bit crazy on the side that I would get to realize my true potential and dreams..
But it never works out like that.... Why do we always say that bad things happens to good people?? So the healthy hard working people are evil?? I have never gotten that phrase, but then again isn't there something evil, and selfish in all of us? and good things to? why does it have to be either or? why cant we be good wifes, friends, and still want to have a good career??
I think what we become is who we choose to be, not who we are born to be..

0 Not getting help can actually damage youre recovery... Forever

Today I finally got an appointment to see a pulmonary specialist, and took a loot of test..
He was outrage bye the way my health has been handled, he said the doctors involved should get a reprimand because this was unacceptable.
I had to agree with him, but still, the first doctor who said: you must hate doctors... I don't hate them, I just don't trust them.

He also said that they should have done all this test early to see how my lungs were damage so that they could have done something about it, but because it has been 2 years, its like the part of the damage lung has "shut" down.
He said he wanted a CT x ray of my lungs, and help me as much as they can,and that i should probably start acknowledging that this is permanent.

And last my lung function is only 64% left.. He said my lung capacity is that of an 70 year old..
Its sound right because I can't go up my stairs without loosing my breath, and I live on the second floor.
This hasn't hit me yet, and its going to be a big one to swallow, but bad answers are better than living in the unknown.

What made my day though was that this doctor didn't judge me, he understood, he was mad for me, and that's a new experience.
He said that even if my esophagus spasms would go away that I most likely would need Durogesic pain path anyway, because the pain I feel in my lung is over average and normally when you have been through such a large surgery, and the massive infection I had...

I guess my body will never be the body I was used to.. But knowing my limitations can give me the means to find things I can do and build my confidence and life on a new foundation. Yes I have been handed a crappy card, but so has a lot of other people..
I hope in the future we can be more honest, and not feel like a looser because we can't do what we want, but find a path that happiness is on, instead of focusing on all the bad things..
I can really hear that I have started in therapy already :)

0 Fight for each other.....

I have met doctors who flat out didn't belive me, and thought it was all in my head... But why has our world become a place where we think people are lying, and that everyone only thinks  of ourselves instead of all of us together.. I wish our society would be more like an ant colony.
Think, then I would already be back to school, because I would have thousands being there fighting side by side from me, instead of just a few..My doctors believed that I dint want to be sick, that I am not faking it, I am not an actor, I hate to lie, but I do have a poker face, I just don't like to use it.
I want people, doctors, friends, family, and nurses to know the real me, the scared out of my pants, angry, frustrated, the girl that wants to belive that there is still some good in this world. Think how much we could have accomplished if we did that for one another????
I would want to live in that world..