Sunday, November 18, 2012

0 Discontinue of pain medication....


I have lived on a double-edged sword for a long time. hoping that someone/anyone would hear me cry for a better life. But I am not being heard.
My pain doctor at the university hospital says one thing at my consultation and end up writing another for the medical history.

They have now backed down on every promise they have maid. No qutenza, different medication, 2-opinion, acupuncture, and now discontinue of pain medication!
They have said they will only keep my as a patient, if I do everything they ask.
And they know what they are asking, I will not be able to do. How f&#¤et up is that?? Making me the bad guy, the quitter so they can have clean hands and a clean "conscience".
So the 22 of November they are starting to discontinued pain patch over a period...
My doctor said: It will hurt like crazy for up to 10 years
but after that you're pain receptors will adjust and you will feel better.. Is he insane?? How can a doctor who runs a pain-clinic have so little understanding of chronic pain? Who can live in excruciation pain for 10 years??
I have to keep going to a psychologist an physical therapist, thats part of the plan I have to follow to get no help!
But with no pain medication I will count going to the bathroom a win. What kind of life is that?
Is it about using no pills but having no life, why is it worth living if living is worst then hell? I though this was about giving me a chance to have a dignified life??

But every time I take it up I have always heard wrong, misunderstood  them or taken things the wrong way. Why is it always my fault? Why do I have to take the punches every time?
I thought I as a patient had the right to know what treatment I am to be given? My pain doctor said no reduction at this time, so he meant that day? because the next day he had the opinion as reduction was the only way.
Whats more disturbing is that every time I have been put on a reduction or discontinue of pain medication, hes name is on the medical history, and his reduction is far more aggressive than what other doctors are recommending.
Is he really impartial? I feel he has no shred of sympathy for me, no understanding.

Why is it when a doctor recommend an operation and I do not think thats in my best interest I have the right to say no, but when a doctor will cause me immense pain through  discontinue of pain medication I must do it. I have no right to control my own body when I know that this treatment will lead to an agonizing hell that no one can begin to imagine how painful it is??
I thought the doctors mantra was: “do no harm”

Whats wurst is that everything I have been fighting for the last 9 months, down the drain. I started to get a glimpse of hope on the ok days, and starting to dream of a functioning life. All that digging into the core of my painful memories, exercising even though I sometimes don't know how to get through the 45 min. but I didn't give up. I kept fighting. If\t feels unfair. I could have laid down, given up, I know I was close to doing that sometimes, unfortunately thats not in my nature!

Why do they only see the drugs? If all I wanted was the drugs I would work, and buy it in the illegal marked Thats better then being locked at as a person  fishing  for pain medication. Why drag myself to the mud to get it? Wheres the humanity in all this? Why do I fight for a a treatment if all i want is the drugs?
But right now the drugs are my only life line, how would you feel if someone took away you're chemo  in the middle of a treatment because it literally kills you're body? Whats the alternative? whats the lesser of two evils?

It doesn't really help when you have Agliophobia. My anxiety bursts into panic attacks and I feel like drowning. But to give my psychologist time to treat that so maybe this reduction would be more successful is out of the questions: Do doctors think that 2 secessions with a psychologist will make you better?
People with psychological diagnosis goes to a psychologist for years, not weeks.

Why have a multidisciplinary meeting if they don't work together? Was it joust to legitimate a reduction plan. For me, this was a joke. the outcome of the meeting was no treatment at all, except  discontinue the meds!
It strengthen my believes that the health care system in Norway is broken.  And that doctors either have lost their humanity, or the bureaucrats are dictating what the doctors need to do.
First they protect the hospital from liability, then the doctors so there wouldn't be a liability question, and then last they will maybe help the patient it that can give the doctor a ego boost, advance their career, or help them get research fellowship.
But if they get a patient with an easy fix or with some rewording risks, they will do what ever they can to kick you out. I have already experienced that one time, and now it seems to be happening again.
Do I really make doctors feel this incompetent? Is that why they are always blaming me for everything?

My life is on a collision course, and I have no way of stopping it. I want to get of, but to get of I have to give up life. I fear life without painkiller more than death, but I want to live, have my dream come through for once.
Is it to much to ask to live a life on 20% ?? Do I demand to much?? Is it my fault? Am I the liability?

(I just wanted to thank FRP for borrowing their pain monster banner. They do a lot of good work for people with chronic pain, and giving pain patient tools to deal with it, check it out : http:/www.thefprprogram.com/ )

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