Monday, December 3, 2012

0 My perfect/imperfect life

I wanted my blog to be a positive educational blog with honesty as the core. Its not easy. I don't look at my self as jealous person, but it hasn't been easy lately.
In Norway a driver license cost about 5000 $, So after high school I prioritize education an traveling, and I don't regret that.
But a few years before all this started I really wanted it and I saved for 2 years to get it. then I became ill, and now I cant take it because of the medication.

Before it didn't bother me, but now everyone around me has it, and they live this high pace life with traveling, good careers, family, children and their own house, car etc.
I feel left behind.
People call me when their are in trouble or if they need some guidance, but all the happy events, I am left out of.
Like my presence is souring the event. And thats hard to swallow. Just because I have been through hard things doesn't mean thats all I am. I can be glad for other people. But when you are left out of the loop that gladness turns to resentment.

Why me? Why couldn't I get just one thing on that list? Why do I always pick the short straw in life?
It is fate in its cruelest way, flaunting at me everything I cant have?
Why do I always have to swallow it, be the better person?
Why cant no one understand my grief? understand that living with extreme pain everyday will knock you of balance?
I sometimes think that people would have liked it better if I had died,than they could have this glorified picture of  me, rather then to see the changes that has come because of all of this... How can I stay the same after everything?

But isn't that life? every event, every tragedy, loss, love, friendship, family, work changes who we are constantly through out our life, the only constant is that things will always change.
so the question is embrace it or fight it??

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