Thursday, September 6, 2012

0 Whats worse; doctors or my diseases???

To get back some of the life I had is not a steep curve upwards.
To fight the system, doctors, Nav, NPE, societies judgmental attitudes towards sick people.
Going to a psychologist and physical therapy has helpt me a lot, it was a steep learning curve, but you cant always go up..
It is bloody hard, painful, raw, emotional, and really depressing at times.
And this is one of this times.. I am tired of fighting doctors. If I say I don't want to use morphine, I am being manipulative,
if I say I need it, then its the drugs that are talking. even if i cut the intake by 30% in 6 months, nobody pats you on the back. they say, you are using to much. will it always be to much?

I had to take this blood test a few weeks back to see my opioids level in my blood, and I couldn't take anything for a day, I can tell you that was not my finest hour, but I hang in there, thinking if I don't, they will call me an addict. So when I came back to get the result, they hadn't gotten any. There weren't any laboratories that did that... what the f%¤%??? shouldn't a doctor know this?? Why do it at all? Was it just to torture me?
But thats not the worst part, she then spoke to a doctor who I haven't seen in a couple of years, and with no facts he said that I was immune against morphine and that it would be easiest to discontinue the use of my pain medicine, Again, where came that from? So If I am, how can the morphine still take the pain away? It cant be both!
But is this about saving my but, or theirs?? In two weeks I am going back to State University Hospital, so what will the verdict be??
Something is wrong when Breivik gets better medical treatment then me. What have I done wrong? Trusting doctors? trying to get better, trying to get every known treatment , medicine, experimental and alternative Medicine out there, But if morphine is the worst, why haven't they tried more treatment? It doesn't add up..

Again.. why do doctors have a hard time believing that I don't trust them, don't want anything to do with the health system? would you? I am getting the short end of the stick at every turn.
I want to scream and tell them to maybe refresh their course in ethics, and strongly advise them to take a course in pedagogy, and maybe learn what empathy, understanding, compassion and respect means...Something has been lost... And it is us patients who are paying for it, with our lives, and it has to stop!!

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