Monday, September 26, 2011

2 Hope is not in my heart right now..

This weekend have been one of the worst ones in my life... I felt like the walls of my life came crumbling down around me, and all I wanted was to shake someone till they started to listen.
Today I was at my family doctor and she couldn't understand that they could just say no after they had promised and booked the appointment...
So she is going to contact them and get some answers, she understood that a doctor could be afraid of something going wrong, but not that he could block everyone else from helping me..
And he has written in my journal that he is more concerned with the drugs than the esophagus spasms, so then it should be a no brainer giving me a new botox.
I will never get doctors... are there there to help you, or to further their career?? Are they good Samaritans by heart, or the status that being a doctor gives them?
The only thing they all hate is drugs, if drugs were taking out of the equation, doctors would be more pleasant to talk to.. I always thought drugs were a means to an end, to give patients quality of life. but I have never heard that line, only reduction or discontinuation. Quality??? Thats a world that will never fit into the line of helping sick humans, its all about, money, status and to push the limits of what is possible, at the expense of the patient..


  1. Keep fighting Alexandra! They can't get to you! I understand that you are tierd and that it feels like this is never going to work out, but there is always hope! Never give up! One day you will find the right doctor who is willing to listen and will help you, even though it means that he/she must take some risks! And so must you.
    Thinking of you, and praying! Hope you will have a better weekend than you had last!

  2. Thank you for such kind words. They warm when everything feel lost. But I will keep them close to me, for I will use them soon to find the warrior in me. And when I do, I will find hope again.
    Hugs Alex