0 What about life??

I am in this daze right now. I am tired of never getting done with my maintenance down stairs.
On top of this I have to struggle with esophagus spasms, and the possibility that I will never get better.
And the icing on the cake is that I am turning 30 this upcoming weekend.
I thought that turning 30 would be something that I would celebrate in a large scale, but it looks dark in that area.

Its sad that I cant celebrate turning 30, I can never have a baby shower, and a lot of children birthdays. So as cheesy as it sounds I am getting more and more liking the idea of marriage, so I can have something to celebrate, and spa weekends, and visiting different cities on or anniversary.
But first I have to get better so I can enjoy something like a wedding. But with my luck, I will never get that either.



My fear is that I will get a very bitter woman, that hasn't gotten anything out of my life. I have always liked the idea of being a grandmother, and having my own family.
And because I am sick now, I cant even be a career woman, and if I cant have kids I would have liked to have a career. But I guess I am stuck with esophagus spasms, a bad back, and ovaries that doesn't work.