0 To be alive!

I feel so lonely sometimes, there are so few in the entire world who knows what I am going through.
I knew the day I came out of the respirator that i would be on the lonely side. All of those who cared for me were on the other side, They had this way of looking at each other, and then noding back. They had this mutual understanding, they had each other. And they knew how one another felt.

But not me. They were all so happy to see me alive, that they didn't see the real me. This lonely, scared girl.
I felt like there was no one who saw me, because nobody was looking, No one that heard me, because no one was listening. they were in this relive mode because I was going to live.
But I knew that when I was alive, somebody else wasn't. In that intensive care unit you had a 50-50 chance of making it. And for a long time, and even some times I still feel guilty. That i have to make the most of my life, because I am still here. But its not easy when I am still sick. Still feel like I am struggling to be the best version of myself. But how do I become that, when my body wont listen to me?