2 today has been a good one...

I have had 2 good friends who came to visit me and gave me a lovely flower bouquet. one of them, have a little baby that is 5 months old.
It's nice to see people, and not get to isolated, when you are in pain, but think about it for yourself? how would you deal with overpowering pain? We all think we are so strong but when all comes to all, it's okay to not be so strong, and ask for help. Being in pain is no way to live, been drugged down so much that you just sleep all the time, is not a way to live either. The doctors have to find the golden midway. What is hardest is that I really don't want to go on any medicine at all, I just want the doctors to get off their asses and cure me.

But this has been one of the better days i have had, and comments that I am becoming a junky, it's really not necessary. Would that person have said that if I were fighting cancer? Or any other known diseases that we know are painful. that's what is the hardest. Nobody believes you because they don't know the disease and how much this hurts.

It's not a good feeling to hope that you could have an illness (like cancer) that there is a hope that you can be cured. Because this is the problem. They can't cure me, so how do you people out there think I should grab this "state" am in?

We are looking at every single website we can find. We have bought the latest research on esophagus spasms, we are trying alternative, and experimental treatment. but none of this will make me healthy, it will only make the symptoms less visible.

So for all of you out there who thinks all I will become is a junkie, come on.... either give me some hope that can give me a chance to find a cure, or stop being so judgmental!



Aren't the flowers pretty?